Hate this feeling...

I hate feeling like this... Lost confused, all I want to do is curl in bed and cry... But I won't let myself break, I can't, its stupid. All I need is someone to curl up with, to make me happy... I'm finally just letting things happen when they happen, I'm not looking for anything any more. But times like this is when I snap at people, stay quiet, i'm not myself. I hate working at the mall sometimes, seeing all the couples holding hands and kissing... its so annoying... okay yes I would be doing that If I had someone who was okay with showing PDA... but still when you are alone its hard. I know I'm young, And I'm just letting things happen, there are times when I just wanna say screw it and go back to my 'old ways' just to have someone... But I'm being strong... I have to be, not only for myself, but for my family so I'm not lieing to them, and for my little sister... God forbid she follows in my footsteps... Speaking of my sister I'm so scared she's going to end up on jerry springer show... She has such a little attitude... And Remember, Don't Quit

F'ed up...

GRRR MISTAKES I MAKE THEM ALL THE TIME!!I need to be good... starting NOW i am offically done with everything... I'm going to try to be the best daughter I can be, the best friend, and just stop looking... And stop having so much damn fun... hah! I'm still going to hit the clubs... but now... NOTHING i will regret... And Remember, Don't Quit

Rumors

I love the company I work for... They are great, What I really don't like is working with a staff that is 95% female... Too many damn rumors start... I mean really?? Girls are bitches, not even going to lie at this point. I go to work, put on a smile, even if sometimes its fake, and work my ass off for 10.30/hour... I love my job, I love making little girl's days, but when you have THAT many girls in a company you have WAY too much drama.
I hate drama... it needs to go jump in a god damn lake. Why the hell do rumors start anyways, are people really that dumb? And those who believe it?? Expecially at a work place, that is SO not okay, its to the point i dont know who to trust there and who not to, that is not as good feeling. Friday I'm going to walk into work with my head held high, and ignore all the god damn bull shit that is going on. And Remember, Don't Quit

Disappointed

I tried to change... We'll I'm trying... I had one set back today... I need to do this, this one part of my personality I can't stand... I hate it... It was never a problem untill i didn't have him, the jackass I fell in love with... and now I hate who I'm turning into... I'm going to be strong and get through this... I know no matter what I will have one amazing friend at my back, helping me... I hope he doesn't hate me... we all slip up sometimes right? Change is hard... But this is something I HAVE to do, I dont have a choice about this. I'm disturbed by this part of my personality, and thats why i need to change... I need people behind me... but most people dont know this side of me... and I dont know if i'm strong enough to do this alone... Hopfully the one I know... well hope... is behind me will be...And Remember, Don't Quit

Randomness and Ranting

I miss the stars-Moving to the city was great, but i miss being able to see the stars in the sky. I use to look up at them and find the brightest one and make everyone else look, telling them that was my little brother looking down on us. I'm so lost and confused right now... I dont know what way is up... things all the sudden are moving too fast... I mean guys, school, friends, life... I haven't done ANYTHING meaningful with my life... My job sucks, I dont make enough to do anything meaningful... I just don't know where to turn from here... I wish I knew where my life was going, what was planned... I know I'm still young but I want to find that someone... yes yes yes I know i'm still young and blah blah blah, but Really?? And Remember, Don't Quit

Times Like These

Its times like these I hate being alone... When Its murder not to pick up the phone and call an ex... just to even cuddle, even though cuddling leads to more... If I just even had someone to talk to I might be okay... Maybe? Hell If I know... It was just nice knowing that I could just call or text 'hey... can I come over' and then be in someones arms... I think that is what I miss the most. Just having someone there when I need them, just because, not needing a reason.

NOT TO MENTION:: When there are guys that 'seem' to take interest in me, I tend to get my hopes up ((Like now)) and It never works out, leaving me disappointed like usual... I think I give up on guys... For now at least, all they do is cause heartache, disappointment, and loneliness... you get so use to one, and then they leave, and your lonely...

I hate being lonely, and well that's when I end up picking up the phone and making mistakes...

And Remember, Don't Quit

Bi-Polar (2!)

Last night was a bad night, I'll admit... but one small thing cheered me up, talking to my friend about her first date with her new guy!! and after that I was fine... Goodness If this is how all people my age are, how do we all live with eachother?! Last night was just a low point in life we all have them, and today... I think...I'm at a happy medium... So the question now is... Well... I guess there is no questions, no answers either... Just the state of being... being happy, sad, loved, just living life...

And Remember, Don't Quit